Dear J.T. & Dale:

J.T.: All it takes to build a bond is the slightest connection. I once worked with a woman who was my polar opposite. Every time we were together, I got an uneasy feeling. Then, one day, a book fell out of her bag. I had just read the book and loved it. “So,” I cautiously inquired, “what do you think of the book so far?” She responded: “I love it. I’m reading it for the second time.” I immediately launched into a conversation with her, and from that day forward our relationship changed. She became one of my closest colleagues, and we are still in touch today, years later.

Dale: Those outside-of-work interests are helpful, but what’s unique about your situation, Chris, is that the social media are something that actually can be directly useful to your work and career. I urge you not to say, “It takes all kinds,” and shrug off the most important cultural trend of recent years. Instead, explore where your interests overlap with social media, perhaps finding a blog or Facebook pages on, say, hiking that would start to pull you in.

J.T.: Here’s a thought: You could turn it around and ask your new colleagues to help you. They’ll appreciate your openness and your desire to get their input, and you’ll be on your way to forming new and better relationships.

© 2010 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

J.T.:

Dale: We sought Al’s advice on getting and giving help with job hunting.

AL: Whenever I hear from someone out of work, I try to help — I believe what you do to help comes back to you. But there are people who are hard to help, and people who are easy to help. Today, for instance, I heard from a former co-worker who didn’t just send her resume, but also outlined her background and gave me a clear picture of what she wanted to do via two lists: “Here’s What I’ve Done” and “Here’s What I Could Accomplish.”

Dale: Most people want to help job hunters but don’t know how, so it’s up to job hunters to set up their friends to succeed by asking questions they can answer. Usually that’s by offering a list of target companies and asking for possible connections, but here, by listing specific accomplishments and goals within a given job type, someone as connected as Al was able to easily identify relevant contacts.

AL: I passed her resume on to four people. I sent a note saying: “This is somebody you should know. I hope you don’t mind, but I told her to call you.”

J.T.: Beautiful phrasing, making it clear to the recipients they should meet with her, whether or not they have a job opening — it’s in their self-interest. And notice Al also set up the job hunter to take over and make the calls, not having to wait on him.

AL: My goal is not just to help the job hunter, but to help the colleague I’m introducing her to — do it right, and I can help both people.

Dale: Well said. Helping someone hunt for a job, when done properly, isn’t being pushy, it’s being useful, and your colleagues will feel the difference.

J.T.: And in the new economy, where every job is temporary, we all are going to need help. It’s wise to build career karma every chance you get.

© 2010 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

Dear J.T. & Dale:

Dale: Rae, Rae, Rae…this is a major, major weakness you’re confessing to, and I get the sense that you think that because it’s true, you should say it. One of the important skills of corporate life is knowing when NOT to blurt out the truth. In fact, a critical corporate skill is biting your tongue like a piece of Juicy Fruit. So, the answer is yes, your answer disqualified you.

J.T.: I can’t disagree with that conclusion, but let me back up and explain that lots of hiring managers are utilizing “behavioral questions” as a way to get inside the heads of potential employees. The “weakness” question is one of them. Proper answers are always truthful, but it’s not just what you say but how you say it! I would argue that how you’re describing your personality is scaring employers away because it implies that you would create tension in the workplace. Instead, I would reframe your response to something like this:

“I love doing good work, and push myself hard to be the best I can be. I do find at times that I can get frustrated with co-workers if I feel they aren’t trying. However, I try to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes and that showing my frustration won’t help the situation.”

Notice you don’t just explain your weakness, but you define how you negate it.

Dale: I do hope you work at making J.T.’s version true. There’s that old saying about someone “not suffering fools gladly.” Well, “not suffering gladly” is not suffered gladly in corporate life (unless you’re Steve Jobs). You’re going to come across fools in every job, some in high places, and it’s part of your job to suffer them long enough to help educate them.

© 2010 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

Dear J.T. & Dale:

J.T.: Given that the average length of unemployment in the U.S. is running just over seven months, you should know that you are not alone. I realize that doesn’t solve your problem, but I hope that you can believe “it’s not personal.” A prolonged job search can make us feel like we are flawed, but it’s usually the job-search strategy that is flawed. For example, if a company creates marketing materials and sends them out only to get zero responses, it goes back to the drawing board to figure out how it can change and improve. You need to do the same.

Dale: Yes, it’s time for massive change. Let’s start with advice from Chris Tidball (author of “Kicked to the Curb”): “Think of your household as a business and look for revenue opportunities … odd jobs, freelance work, starting a business or getting a part-time job.” A bit of income will make a huge difference, and will give you something to talk about when running into friends. Plus, you need a radical approach to networking — stop talking about being out of work, and start asking questions, particularly asking people you meet if they know anyone at the companies on your target list. Help them help you, and the conversation won’t be awkward.

J.T.: Meanwhile, redo your resume, revamp your online profile and re-write your cover letters. The same goes for in-person networking. In short, give your job search a complete overhaul, and you can cheerfully tell yourself and others that you just restarted your job search.

© 2010 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

Dear J.T. & Dale:

“Dear X: I’d like to connect with you and send you my resume so I could get feedback on what’s wrong with it. I’ve been searching for a job for 12 months with no luck. Will you help me?”

— Luisa

J.T.: I have to be honest…I wouldn’t respond, either. First of all, you don’t give any reason why they should connect with you. You don’t explain how you found them or why you respect their opinion enough to seek their help. While I’m sure you didn’t mean it, your wording makes you come across as self-absorbed.

Dale: Well, Luisa, when J.T. goes negative on you, you know you’ve really gone awry. Personally, I wouldn’t call it “self-absorbed,” but I would describe it as a kittens-in-a-box appeal, which has the same result: People look the other way, not wanting to get involved. So, how do you get someone to feel you’re worth taking the time? By showing them that your message is personal, not a spam-ish, generic e-mail. You have to show them you took some time if you expect them to spend some time on you.

J.T.: Just step back and review how you network in person, and then apply the most successful techniques to your online persona. Making online connections requires the same social etiquette as in-person connections — aka, “netiquette.” You need to be positive and engaging in order to EARN attention for your request for help. Craft a kinder, friendlier, more respectful intro, and I think you’ll see good results.

© 2010 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

Dear J.T. & Dale:

Dale: We get asked a lot of difficult questions. This isn’t one of them. How is Facebook any different from a company banning personal phone calls at work, or making a rule about bringing in children or against taking a nap at your desk, or …?

J.T.: We get the idea. And Dale is right — if you’re not part of a union, you’re probably an at-will employee. And that means your company can create and implement any policy it wants to at any time, as long as it doesn’t violate your basic employment rights (discrimination, safety and the like). As far as using your cell phone to access Facebook, I wouldn’t risk it. The policy sounds vague.

Dale: Yes, and a vague policy is like a vague law — defined over time by enforcement. Firing someone for trying to sneak around the ban would be just the thing to demonstrate the company’s intolerance, something that management just might relish doing.

J.T.: The upshot is this: If you have a strong feeling that the policy is wrong, and you can’t live without your Facebook, then you’ll just have to consider finding a new employer.

Dale: Agreed — management probably is proud of the new policy and unlikely to back down. And I confess to having some sympathy for that attitude. What do you call an employer that doesn’t mind its employees spending their work hours on Facebook? A takeover target. Companies that can’t get their employees’ attention, whether with compelling work or demanding policies, are overstaffed and in jeopardy. If you want freedom, be self-employed … and then you’ll see why the boss is so demanding.

© 2010 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

Dear J.T. & Dale:

J.T.: Unfortunately, this kind of entry-level job elimination is common. They can’t bring you into the department when they are laying off others.

Dale: They may not even be laying off, just cutting budgets; by eliminating a job slot, they can “make their numbers.” So, Brandon, yours is an important cautionary tale. In the words of Fats Waller, “One never knows, do one?” That’s why you keep looking, even after you have a job offer, and once you’re in a job, you keep building your network, just in case. Which brings us to the sentence that J.T. is becoming known for …

J.T.: Yes, here it comes: Every job is temporary. That being said, you can kick-start your search by turning to the employer who just backed out on you. See if you can talk to the manager and find out if there are any other departments that are hiring. Believe it or not, this actually happens. The company has cuts in one division, while another division is growing and hiring. Additionally, your almost-manager might be able to make suggestions of other companies, perhaps even making inquiries on your behalf. I’m sure the manager isn’t happy about having to back out of the offer to you, so by asking for help, you are giving him or her a way to make amends.

Dale: But don’t wait to see how that turns out — this is a No-Waiting economy. Contact others you worked with at the company, then work outward, seeking out suppliers, competitors and customers, because your work during college will be meaningful to them. You’re not starting over; you are picking up your networking where you left off.

© 2010 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

Dear J.T. & Dale:

J.T.: Given the current economy, it’s not uncommon for companies to be skipping raises. However, your vacation time is quite low. As for whether or not you could do better, the only way you’ll know is if you start your job search. You can do this confidentially, but quite frankly, what would be so bad about your employer finding out? Do they have a track record of firing people who they learn are job searching? On the other hand, they might just decide to improve your situation so you won’t leave.

Dale: Even without them finding out, there’s always a shot at renegotiating. You don’t sound terribly confident about your position/role, so I suspect you’ll be hesitant to ask for a better deal. However, you should know it would be a mistake to try to be tough and start making demands. Instead, go in with questions, asking how you can improve your performance and skills, and asking how you can get yourself on a career path. If the conversation is going well, you can mention your hopes for better pay/benefits.

J.T.: Yes, go gently into the conversation, but don’t be casual about preparation. Make a list of your accomplishments. Research salary ranges by talking with colleagues and going to sites like www.salary.com and www.payscale.com. Go in with a strong argument for the increased value you bring to the organization. These days, you can’t assume that if you do a good job, you’ll be rewarded. Your professional advancement is in your hands.

© 2010 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

Dear J.T. & Dale:

Dale: What you should NOT do is focus solely on yourself. I’ve always been skeptical of the “do what you love, the money will follow” philosophy — ask any poet. The advantage in narrowing your job search is to jump out of the long line of applicants for generalist positions and jump into the shorter lines where companies are looking for specialists. To do that, you have to understand your target market — not just what you’re selling, but who’s buying.

J.T.: I recently worked with a woman who had such a detailed description of the job she wanted that when we looked at all the local companies that could possibly hire her, guess how many we could find? Three! I persuaded her to redefine her target, making sure she had a sufficient base of employers in order to have a realistic chance of getting hired. Then there’s the bigger issue, and it’s a hot subject these days: employability. It comes down to basic supply and demand. It’s hard enough to figure out what demand you want to supply, but guess what? The market fluctuates over time, and demand changes. To get employed, you’ve got to figure out which skills are most marketable right now; then, to stay employed, you’ve got to figure out what new skills will be in demand.

Dale: So instead of searching only for jobs that are “what you want to do,” also include in your search all the jobs that will get you closer to that ideal position. See yourself as evolving toward one of the places in the job market where you can say, “This is the work I’d love to do,” while meanwhile, you pay attention to where the jobs are evolving, looking for the spot where there are employers saying, “I’d love to hire someone who loves doing that job.”

J.T.: The beauty of this approach, Amanda, is that working on your evolving career takes away the pressure of finding The Perfect Job. There’s nothing wrong with landing a job that will keep you employed while you search for a better one, and then a better one, and eventually the best one.

© 2010 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

Dear J.T. & Dale:

J.T.: Given the level of turnover in the hospitality industry, my guess is that your boss will be happy to hear that you still want to work a couple of nights. I suggest setting up a meeting with him as soon as possible and sharing with him the new status of your day job. I bet he’ll jump at your offer.

Dale: Don’t forget, however, that you sell an idea by focusing on the other party, not on yourself. Think through what problems your request will cause your boss, and think of ways to ameliorate them. For instance, can you offer to be there on the busiest nights — or maybe it’s the slowest nights when no one else wants to work?

J.T.: Well … I don’t think I’d advise Rob to jump in and start telling the manager how to do his scheduling.

Dale: Good point. You go in with solutions, but you don’t lead with them. Start with a broad discussion, Rob, then offer options as objections are raised. One of the most desired traits in an employee is flexibility, and that’s the one to start with, saying, “I need to cut back on how much I’m working, but I don’t want to create a problem for you.” Say that, and then you’ll be working together to solve the problem.

© 2010 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.