Dear J.T. & Dale: My boss is sleeping with my co-worker. Should I tell HR? — Kendall

J.T.: My first question is, Why do you want to tell HR? Is it simply because there is a “no dating” policy at your company and you don’t like that rules are being broken? Or is there something you stand to gain?

Dale: Let me take a shot at answering. Kendall probably thinks that by telling HR, he’s doing them a favor — he’ll be a “good citizen,” maybe a hero. And who knows, if they fire the boss, he could be the one they turn to and promote. Nice fantasy. BUT, Kendall, here’s an important secret of organizational life: HR doesn’t want to know. Yes, they had to write the rule as part of some overall harassment policy, but if your HR folks are really good, they don’t want to be the policy police; no, they want to be talent scouts and effectiveness coaches. Your allegations will just stick them with more of the police work that they don’t want to do.

J.T.: They’ll have to do an investigation. And your boss and co-worker will certainly learn that you were responsible for the “outing” of their relationship. There is no confidentiality when it comes to accusations like this. It’s your word against theirs. If you try to send an anonymous note, it will still need to be substantiated. There will need to be proof. If no proof is found, the only result will be a paranoid and angry manager and co-worker. I think that would be a worse environment to work in. They could even decide to deny it, and might force you to leave the company.

Dale: Getting along in organizations — in life — requires the twin skills of looking the other way and biting your tongue. Hey, people fall in love. Try to stop them, and what do you get? “Romeo and Juliet.” So, smile and wish them well. Rise above.

J.T.: That’s sweet. But I’m betting Kendall will get more comfort out of the old saying, “Give people enough rope and eventually they will hang themselves.” The more the lovebirds think nobody knows about their romance, the more risks they will take, and soon enough, the situation will either become public and action will be taken, or the romance will fizzle out.

Dale: That’s bleak. So there’s your choice, Kendall: sweet (me) or sour (J.T.). Either way, get back to work.